During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, ‘How do I know if I married the right person?’
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, ‘It depends. Is that your husband?’ In all seriousness, she answered ‘How do you know?’
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s
Weighing on your mind.
Here’s the answer..
EVERY
relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your
spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and
Liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling
in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely
natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love… Because it’s happening TO YOU.
People
in love sometimes say, ‘I was swept of my feet.’ Think about the
imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling
in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a
few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It’s
the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but
surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not
always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies,
instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of
this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your
marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial
stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent
stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start
asking, ‘Did I marry the right person?’ And as you and your spouse
reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to
desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages
breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look
outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital
fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most
obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship,
excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT
lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I’m not saying that you
couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you. You can’t ‘find’ LASTING
love. You have to ‘make’ it day in and day out. That’s why we have the
expression ‘the labor of love.’ Because it takes time, effort, and
energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just
as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are
also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a
direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results
are predictable… you can ‘make’ love.
Love in marriage is indeed a ‘decision’… Not just a feeling.
Remember this always:
‘Allah
determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you
let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.’
moral : appreciate what u have..
